Labels

Thursday, October 6, 2016

A woman is another woman’s greatest enemy

Over the years I have realized and experienced this adage to the fullest that a woman is another woman’s worst enemy. I know a lot of feminists will be appalled at my conclusion but quite from my fellow gender would definitely agree with me.
They say Men have tortured and dominated women for ages as it is a male dominated society but a lot of times women have dug their fellow gender’s graves out of sheer jealousy and malice in their hearts.
Since I was little I experienced my grandmother’s malice towards my mother and me, and the instigation of my father against my mother and her family. Unfortunately this behavior of hers caused our family to regress by a number of years until she left us to live with my cousin sister. But the damage was already done. Another one of my maternal aunts destroyed my maternal grandmother’s family and still leaves no stones unturned to doing bad or bitching about my mom and her family. A lot of conflicts are due to women of the families.
Studying in an all girls’ convent was no less than traumatic. Never in my dreams had I thought fellow schoolmates could be so mean and hateful and jealous, and this is something I kept experiencing over the years as I grew up. There was this girl in my design institute, who started out as my best friend and then turned a whole group of friends against me just out of jealousy. Or a girlfriend who thought it was ok to pull me down because of my social status and the area I lived in and another friend who decided to sleep with the guy I liked all the while pretending he was just a friend. Or a cousin who thought it was Ok to ill-treat me and dominate and throw her weight around while we travelled together on some trips.
 I also had the misfortune of working under and with some mean and controlling lady bosses alongwith some jealous and bitchy female colleagues. Working with them was no less than a nightmare. Some of them thought raising their voices and throwing things around would prove their point. Or conniving or bitching behind my back would help them grow in the organization.
It’s funny how a woman can pull down or destroy another woman out of mere jealousy. After marriage I had thought I had gotten another set of parents. But I was in for a rude shock, my mother in law tried to pull me down and dominate me at every instance possible. Being a woman and a mother I had thought she would support me but I was so wrong.
 Similarly, a good friend of my husband’s turned out to be my greatest nemesis. I had thought after marriage I had found a friend but it turned out, while being friendly on my face, she was actually trying to wean my husband away, despite her being married. That she had a hidden agenda I wasn’t aware of.
Messaging and calling him day and night notwithstanding if I was around.. She pretended to be his sister but used to write romantic messages to him. She was in the habit of extracting huge sums of money from him for years and wouldn’t let him get emotionally closer to me. No matter what I would do, wouldn’t impress my husband. For him she was the gal!! I know my husband is to be blamed as well but being a so called good friend she had the onus of making my relationship with my husband stronger. Instead she just did the opposite. I had to put up with this every single day of my life since I got married. Thanks to putting my foot down and shifting to a foreign land she backed down and I could find my happiness with my husband.
We blame men for the plight of our society and women being ostracized. But we are to be equally blamed for not only standing up for ourselves and but for our fellow gender.


Sunday, June 12, 2016

On the wrong side of 30, married but without a kid


I am in my mid thirties and married for over a year. Presently I have no children. I used to think finding a Life partner is a big challenge but finding friends who resonate with you at this age, could turn out to be a bigger challenge. While I was single and hitting my mid-thirties most of my friends I knew were married, married with kids or single but boring. Yet, by a stroke of luck or by fluke and also since I was flexible and friendly enough to mingle with people from different backgrounds I was able to still meet some fun, single people and married women who had a life besides their kids and husband, a rare breed.
After enjoying a long period of singledom which was fraught with meeting a number of suitors I eventually took the plunge and got married after a lot of pressure from parents, society and my own mindset. I say my own mindset coz the society makes you feel like a loser if you are without a partner, as though your present life is not good enough.
Marriage is not really cakewalk. It takes a lot of adjustments. Life changes drastically. I was in for a rude shock once I was married. Things changed overnight.  I had this notion that if I had a partner I would be able to stay out late more often, have more friends since a lot of people my age were married by now. Alas, I found it more difficult to find people like me. I was meeting mothers with kids whose kids and their kitty parties were greater priorities or married women with strange agendas of their own. I rarely met any women like me. Married women with kids had only one advice to give, have a child ASAP or the talk would head towards mundane household topics. They had nothing else to talk about. Being the flexible me, I went out of my way to still be friends with these women and ended up making all the adjustments according to their busy schedules and decided to finally give-up.
Further to this, life in a foreign land can get more challenging. One starts feeling more shackled and lonely. Being without a job, friends and nothing to do except cooking and cleaning the house, an occasional painting or two, watching TV, or outings with husband on his off days would comprise most of these activities. Or someday there would be an occasional boring party where one would end up being privy to foolish and boring conversations of the wives of hubby's colleagues and friends. The fun, adventurous and lively person somehow gets relegated to some dark corner.

Living in a foreign city, on the wrong side of 30, without a child and trying to find a job, friends and a meaning of life can be quite a challenge. So here I am finding my own little meaning in a foreign city with a new status, a new setting and challenges…..




Saturday, January 30, 2016

I let go

I let go of all that is holding me back.
I let go of all that is making me unhappy
I let go of all that is making me cry
I let go of all that is making me wish I wasn't alive.
I am letting go of my wish to please everyone.

The “Shoulds” and the “Woulds”

I am tired of the “shoulds” n the “woulds”
When will they end?
I am older now but they still keep creeping back in
No more a child let me think with my own mind
Being a woman, doesn’t mean I have no mind to think
And a heart to feel.
My heart is crying out loud, Let me Live!
Let me feel what is right or wrong.
I am nobody’s slave or a prisoner to another’s “should”!
I can think with my own mind and feel with my own heart!
Alas! Please Let me live n breathe, Let me be free…
Tired of the “shoulds” n the “woulds”


Sunday, November 15, 2015

Stereotypes

Most women in India are fighting against established stereotypes. The stereotypes are everywhere. Women all over the world are stereotyped more so in India. 
Its starts with her birth, despite changing times, in a lot of families the birth of a baby girl is not a matter of rejoicing. It’s still a matter of concern due to huge costs involved in the weddings burden of which falls on the girl’s parents.
Despite the fact that these days girls are no less than the boys in terms of education, sports, and in various professions, etc., the ultimate aim of an Indian girl still remains to become eligible enough to be married and have kids. To be an accomplished cook and efficient in household work. Professional achievements can go down the drain.
All her life she works hard to achieve her career goals, only for it to become secondary to her marriage, her husband, kids and in-laws. Becoming a good wife and daughter-in-law becomes her primary aim after marriage.
Stark reality reveals itself right after marriage. She is judged constantly, made to feel like a pariah if she decides to assert herself. A woman with a mind of her own is frowned upon. Hell boils over if she has to live with her in-laws. The son of the house sits around with his legs up whereas the daughter –in-law is supposed to pitch into the household chores, eat what she is told to eat, wear what she is told to wear, cook what she is told to cook and behave as she is told to behave. Any occasion or festivals mean she is not supposed to enjoy herself but pitch-in in every chore possible and behave like a dutiful wife/daughter-in-law all the time. .
Her parents are supposed to become alien to her and become less important to her than her in-laws. Her duty is to please her in-laws and be at their beck and call. It’s frowned upon if she wants to go visit her parents or go stay with them. Alas! in-laws never become parents and the daughter-n-law never becomes a daughter.
A married woman in India is supposed to make all the sacrifices without having a voice of her own. She is not supposed to have the right to take her own decisions. She is judged constantly.
And if she decides not to work after marriage she loses her self-respect and independence due to her financial dependency on her husband. It’s a sad reality.
Nevertheless there are still a lot of women who have been very lucky to have had understanding families and in-laws and husbands. Also women who have had the courage to assert themselves to gain freedom to live their lives on their own terms.
It's high time women started asserting themselves more and living their lives based on their own terms. And not accepting any further stereotypes imposed on them.
We live only once and it should be on our own terms. It’s also very important for women to be financially independent. This is the only way of gaining self respect. And she should stop harboring guilt for any decision she undertakes to make their life better and to live a fulfilling one!!




Wednesday, July 29, 2015

RECLAIMING MY HEART

Here I go reclaiming my heart
A heart I gave away to you..
A heart which never belonged to you..
I know I love you but I love me more than you..
My heart is mine and will always be mine..
A heart which I gave away was broken apart
And was left with me to fix all that was apart..
Now that I have it back, I shall take care of it..

Here I go reclaiming my heart…

Monday, July 27, 2015

Maybe


Maybe I got it all wrong, maybe I came in between, where I wasn't supposed to be,
Maybe I agreed to be something I couldn’t be..
Longed for your love but only got you to misunderstand me..
Now I only wait for you to maybe understand me..
The wait is too long and the road is endless..

Hoping maybe I won’t end up going away with a broken heart..